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My first confession:

I have journal upon journal on my bookshelves, all about one-tenth full of journal entries.  You will see that pages have been torn out of each one.  Most of the time, it's because I've used the paper to make a list. 

I have attempted over the last year to make each journal intentional - one for poetry, one for wine & food, one for meditation practices, one for dreams...  It still doesn't stick as well as I'd like.

For most of my life, I've been a list maker.  I love lists.  It's what I do instead of journaling, in a way.  If there were a forum for it, it would be more natural for me to blog lists than blog about my life and thoughts.  Frankly, I get can get bored with the one-sided monologue that is blogging.   I prefer conversations - emails back and forth - commenting, even, above this practice that feels more like I'm talking to myself.

My second confession:

I really don't enjoy New Year's Eve parties.  Ranked right there with Halloween and the Fourth of July, the parties tend to be about competitive drinking, dressing, or poorly designed mating rituals that hardly exorcise any demons, display patriotism or inspire resolutions (other than the obvious).

Reflection:

Neither of the above confessions are exactly sins, but rather are characteristics that place me on the outside of the mainstream culture and, for the most part, of my circle of friends.  2009 has been an amazingly challenging year.  The highs have been too high, the lows devastating.  In the spirit of blogging, I will attempt to link sentences together in honor of my own need to accomplish a personal 2009 resolution. (To blog regularly and participate in the self-exploration that is journaling.)  But let's do this my way, shall we?  In light of counting my blessings to diffuse stress, here is a list of some of my accomplishments:

• I have worked on a movie set. 
• I have made some new friends that I hope to have for a lifetime. 
• I have traveled. 
• I have formed a business partnership and created this magazine.  
• I have grown closer to my closest friends.
• I have grown closer to my family.
• I have grown spiritually by continuing to dedicate myself to the exploration of my own mind and spirit and through researching new and different philosophies and practices.
• I have proven to myself that I can achieve what I set out to do.  That I have follow-through.  That I have courage.

One thing that made this year a personal challenge was being taken out of my routine.  When I worked a day job, I had a set schedule each week.  I always knew what my day would be like.  In the midst of leaving my job to start my own business and all the many tasks I took on in 2009, I lost that schedule completely.  Every day is completely different from the day before.  I have no idea how my life will be day to day.  I rely entirely on my google calendar. 

In 2010, I have no idea what new challenges may arise.  There will be joy and there will be sadness, as in every passing year.  I will likely have some successes, some surprises, but I will likely have some trials and unexpected hurdles.   The next few days will be about taking inventory, keeping quiet, and checking in with my most inner self to see what I need to equip me in the new year.   

Share your new year's resolutions with us!  All you need is a facebook or twitter profile to log in and tell us what's on your mind!

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