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 Wherein our Hero comes to terms with being unskilled at both gift giving and receiving... 

Let me get this out of the way right now.  I do not blame the holidays or my loved ones. I do not find gift giving burdensome.  I am not shaking my fist at corporate America for indoctrinating our culture with consumerist holiday ideals.  What I am trying to say, if you'll hear me out, is I don't hate the holidays.  No, in fact I LOVE the holidays.  My childhood memories of Christmas are almost unerringly fond ones. I enjoy decorating trees and whispering about Santa in the presence of children.  I love candy canes, baked goods, and what else can I say?  These are clearly the confessions of a man who loves Christmas. 

One problem:

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